Published on July 3, 2017

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Photography by GETTY/STYLECASTER

Let’s just cut to the chase, shall we? I hate the sun. Hate! (Hate, hate, hate. Hate hate, hate. Double-hate. Loooooathe entirely, like the Grinch hates Christmas.) I have nothing favorable to say about that ginormous ball of flames and its incinerating tentacles of doom that are responsible for sun spots, premature aging, melanoma, and other not-good things, like various levels of general misery. But as an inhabitant of the planet earth, I, unfortunately, have to coexist with it as I do with my upstairs neighbor who only practices her step routines after midnight. Yeah, not ideal.


To complicate matters, I’m Sicilian and as a result tan within, like, five seconds or less. But you wouldn’t know it by looking at me, because I’ve gotten so astute at outfoxing the sun that I can do really magical things like blend in with a white wall. But it’s not magic–it’s just sun-avoidant prowess, and in the words of the great philosopher Elle Woods: “I’m like a PSA for SPF.”


Scroll through for the contents of my Sun Avoider Starter Pack and get ready to play a three-month long game of hide and seek. Hint: it won’t find you. And yes, I’ve tried them all (except for the last one, which I’ve by no means ruled out).

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Photography by COVERSWIM

Long-Sleeved Swimsuit

For when you have to go to the beach or pool but don’t want to expose your delicate décolletage.

Donald Long-Sleeved Maillot, $285; at Coverswim

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Photography by Glossier

Face Mist

Hot tip: Keep it in the fridge for an extra refreshing spritz.

Soothing Face Mist, $18; at Glossier

Related reading from StyleCaster:
The 7 Best Sunscreens Real Moms Swear By
9 DIY Skin-Care Ingredients That are Bad for Your Skin
The Best Skin-Care Tricks For Clearer, Brighter, Better Skin

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Photography by Target

Bonnet

Look, I get it. You think bonnets are only for babies and the Amish. But you’re wrong.

White Bonnet, $15; at Target

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Photography by Barneys

Sunglasses

A trusty rule of thumb when it comes to eyewear: If one lens is smaller than your face, you’re cheating.

Gucci GG0148 Sunglasses, $965; at Barneys

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Photography by COVERSWIM

Very High SPF

While the jury’s out on whether or not SPF 110 is any better than, say, SPF 45, I figure I have nothing to lose except maybe a few sun spots that haven’t appeared yet.

Age Shield Face Lotion Sunscreen Broad Spectrum SPF 110, $12.99; at Neutrogena



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Photography by Brookstone

Misting Fan

If my personal cabana boy isn’t available to fan me down, this’ll have to do. Bonus points if we can get it to also play The Eagles’ “Hotel California” on repeat.

Breezie Battery-Operated Portable Bladeless and Soundless Misting Fan with Water Reservoir and Trigger, $12.99; at Brookstone

 
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Photography by Hermés

Scarf

Tie it around your hair for added protection, or just hide beneath the whole damn thing.

The Savana Dance Silk Shawl, $1,100; at Hermés

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Photography by Amazon

Umbrella Hat

Not only will this here handy dandy umbrella hat keep the rays off your face and your hair color fresh, but it will also shield you from the splashes of unruly children, and Shamu.

Rainbow Umbrella Hat, $4.99; at Amazon

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Photography by Rei

Sun Gloves

Perhaps it’s not something you’ve thought of before, but it would behoove you to wear gloves in the sun because hands are one of the biggest giveaways of premature aging.

Outdoor Research Chroma Full Sun Gloves, $35; at Rei



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Photography by Paper Lantern Store

Parasol

Yes, you’ll look like an a-hole carrying this, but only to people who don’t understand.

Pink Parasol Umbrella, $6.25; at Paper Lantern Store


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Photography by Barnes & Noble

Spellbook

If it works for the Sanderson Sisters, it works for me. Take that, sun.

The Big Book of Practical Spells: Everyday Magic That Works, $13.19; at Barnes & Noble


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Photography by PK Safety

Hazmat Suit

When all else fails and you still can’t get out of dodge, it may be time to consider the hazmat.

DuPont Tyvek 400 Disposable Hazmat Coverall Suit, $6.20; at PK Safety
This story was originally published by Christina Grasso on StyleCaster.
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